yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
