Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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