85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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