We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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