Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize