what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
