Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
