I wish I could punch you in the face.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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