Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
