Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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