That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
