I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
