apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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