i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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