The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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