I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
