while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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