Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
