Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
