yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
