just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
