It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
