3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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