My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
