I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
