I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
