just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
