Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
