Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
