Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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