So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
