The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
