Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
