ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
