she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's like heaven, but drunker
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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