my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
