Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
