If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
