I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
