Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
