For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize