i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
