How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
