Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Farmville is her only friend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
