Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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