it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize