it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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