Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
