he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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