Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize