Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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