If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize