I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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