you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
