I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
