Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
