I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
