I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we're making bets on your personal life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
