I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
