Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
