i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
