You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
