the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
