all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
