I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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