The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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