This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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