There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
