every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
