Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize