It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
